A moment of pause…..

I grabbed a cup steaming coffee and sat on the porch..,

Time it was evening for the sun glowed like a torch.

I sipped my drink leisurely as I had some time to repose..,

For my baby would soon be awake, from her light peaceful doze.

Random thoughts passed my mind..,

Amongst them, one had a hold quite tight.

..As I remembered a day …a day when the sky was black, and white and a little grey.

For clearly I had no choice, but to choose one of the two ways…..

The road I left was far more greener, tempting in its own lay ;

Where ‘independence’ played in a far more generous way,

Where orange was more orange, and red danced in its own delight ;

Where summer meant more ”icecreams” ,and winter had its own sweet sight.

But I chose, not to fly that beautiful flight.

For I knew, the grass was always greener the other side.

And though ,my life may seem a heck wearisome….

But I know, I took the right decision.

Where I left the ‘independence’ to play it’s own play..,

For I promised nothing will come in my family’s way….

And now, however black the orange may seem, and red may have lost its priding gleam;

And Summers and winters may mean nothing more than a daily scene…....

Am as happy and content as I may seem.

For I may look tedious but I must warn you, looks may deceit;

Because happiness can no more be happier from where I sit ,

.. a blessed family filled with a loving husband like a dream, one can rarely catch of….

And an enchanting baby with its bewildering eyes , captivating my soul..

True is what they say , everyone has its own fair share…

No ‘independence’ could ever gift in a way, like I got from God’s own sway…

With this, I stand in my feet ,as I hear my baby wake from her sleep…….

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Things that make me different…..

Hello , Aieshi Jain. I was quite spellbound while reading your post. I felt you just peeked inside my mind and cheated my feelings. 😁😁…. Those points defines me….Those were my deep dark sort of wreid thoughts, till now, off course. You exposed me and since I am exposed, so let me add some of mine. They goes as follows:-

  • I don’t understand what are teddy bears for? Why some girls act stupidly for a teddy bear? Is it that cute? I mean small girls with teddies look cool….But I find it quite dumb when a grown up girl acts like a kid for a bear. That showing off is totally off, girls. I have a 1 yr old girl and I swear, m not going to allow that silly stuff in except for its decoration purpose.
  • Bouquets……..I mean plzzz, flowers are best in trees. Guys, it’s meaningless gifting a bouquet…….If you desperately want to gift..Then do go for plastic flower bouquet…They will serve some purpose.
  • I judge hotels by looking at their bathrooms… It’s not restricted to hotels alone, guys. I am very embarrassed to confess that I even judge people by their bathrooms. One look and the sentence is passed. I am judemental.
  • Till now I have not drank in public places. A heavy sense of guilt surrounds me in the very name of bars or pubs or disc…I agree , I am odd.
  • I judge a person by looking their personal handkerchief. Reason, I don’t know. Clean and sobre colours attract my positive attention.
  • I really can’t like boys eating panipuris….
  • I am obsessed with cleanliness. Obsession isn’t the right term to define it..Frm everyone’s eye it’s a kind of disease am possessed with. I cannot tolerate a small creaze in my bed. I can’t tolerate a minute shift of my folded clothes from where I put it. I can’t tolerate even a single small piece of dust or anything lying in my floor. My floor should always be queaky clean and my clothes, pillows, cushions undisturbed, no matter what.
  • I always buy every groceries or every stuffs in double quantity even, though it’s not required. I have this mania like what if one is broken or one is wrong. I can’t get through this habit of mine. I have tried a lot though. Double money wasted…..
  • I am totally against eating meds even when I am prescribed for. Meds for me always ends up in dustbin. I don’t feel any change in my conditions, swallowing them.
  • I just cannot get myself to using sunscreen. I have sunscreens from almost every brand. Half of them expired. Every 2 3 month, I convince myself of their importance and buy a new one arguing tat this one is more good than the previous I bought…..But phewwww……I don’t understand why I can’t get myself wearing that stuff..I have just decided not to wear any ever….Joke……. Sunscreens are important.
  • I don’t wear white ever. My wardrobe never had a white dress or shirt. Unknown reason..Don’t ask me. I am over sensitive towards white.
  • No one has ever seen my feet without any nail paint ever. I am sure, not to leave them without any colours…

Those were amazingly some odds and completely me.

It was fun.πŸ˜£πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†..Feel free to write down your posts about what qualities make you different. ..Do let know. Will enjoy reading yours too.

QUOTE CHALLENGE: FIRST DAY

Before I start, I would genuinely like to thank Rudra Makwana , for her invitation to this. Very humbly I do accept it.

There are so many powerful quotes coming right in my mind that selection of mere three sounds very unfair. But as it’s fixed so I am to quote only those special versus which has always inspired me to carry on in every thick and thin situations of my life, which never fails to fill me with the power and light whenever I am in doubts.

CHANGE IS THE LAW OF THE UNIVERSE. YOU CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE OR A PAUPER IN AN INSTANT

….Enough true, nothing comes permanent in our lives. The Earth keeps rotating. There’s a cycle in everything. Day after night, summer after monsoons, ,.. Everything only points towards the law of impermance of the universe. Being proud of your belongings, only shows the immaturity within us. But to accept this law makes us coherent enough to face any situations in life.

Its a verse taken from the longest and the greatest epic poems in any language- THE MAHABHARATA.

Its a story of good versus evil. It transcends culture and religion but at the very core of this ancient storyline lies a simple theme that all of mankind can relate to. These concepts are relevant even today in our daily lives.

Rules :-

  • Thanks bloggers who nominated you.
  • Share, the reason behind your sharing the particular quote.
  • Post a quote for 3 consecutive days.
  • Nominate 3 different bloggers you would like to see challenged.

My Nominees:

What if I weren’t afraid??….

“,I LEARNED THAT COURAGE WAS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR , BUT THE TRIUMPH OVER IT. THE BRAVE MAN IS NOT HE WHO DOESNT FEEL AFRAID BUT HE WHO CONQUERS THAT FEAR”,. ……………………………………….Nelson Mandela .

There’s a picture that often haunts me. Though its a small, insignificant episode of my life but my life is gravely covered with its invisible blanket. Its one of those childhood memories which is permanently fixed somewhere within me, and it never fails to sail out in front of my eyes like one rolling movie shot. The very remembrance of it makes my heart beat fast. Though I cannot see any particular reason for it to remain within me after so long time, but it still keeps on lingering. Then I was only ten and now thirty three.

It was a November evening, approximately five. I don’t remember the actual time, but it has to be somewhere near five because it was the time when the bell rang. The bell rang, it was time for the students, who were already in the pool to get out and make way for a fresh batch to jump on the pool. Yes, I was in the new batch. It was my first day of learning swimming in a professional swimming school, in Kolkata.

It was a large area and the whole pool was divided into four parts. The centre part was an entire big area for expert swimmers. And it was surrounded by two parts each. One entirely for kids, one of girls, one for boys and the last for handicapped ones. The entire pool area was covered with large stadium kind lights, which always brought a kind of chill within me. The reflection of those lights in the slow steady waves of water under the evening sky with the whole space filled with the smell of only water made me skip many of my breaths. I hated it, I hated it all, mostly the watery smell. Till now it kind of chocks me. I have always wanted to run away from that place. I always used to make unsuccessful attempts of pretending to have fevers and all kinds of aches, my brain of ten year could have figured out. But none would have worked with mommy as she would always won to drag me to that horrible class of mine. Oh, I hated her for that.

As I slowly climbed down the slippery steps, with each step taking me inside the water like a fire, with its wide notorious smile, openly inviting a firefly towards it only to burn him out. I kept on moving inside and inside to where our trainer asked us to stand. The level was enough not to drown my head. I struggled, struggled hard to stand. I couldn’t get my feet steady in that slippery floor. I was unable to breath as the water smell blocked my nose, my head, my every part which stood above it. To my shock , I was the only one to have been struggling there. Others stood there with great expertise and their eyes were fixed on my awkward movements. They were giggling and making fun of me. I felt so ashamed of myself. Everything about it was so self discouraging,.

I experienced a new feeling right there, and that was the feeling of fear. It was a three month course. And for the rest three month, I just managed to hide myself somewhere among the crowd within that horrible pool. In the first day only, I gave up learning swimming and vowed to make myself invisible for the rest 3 month.

It was like the water hated me more than I hated the water.

“Hate” was not the right term. I feared it. I feared the water. I feared the smell. The smell remembered me of all the negative experiences of my life. There was something about it which made me fear it instant. There was no particular reason but there was “IT”. Maybe it was just not right for me to be there .

But somewhere deep down me, I wish I could have overcomed that fear. My consciousness often questions me , what would I have done, if I weren’t afraid? …………..May be today I would have loved water and somewhere I would have been preparing myself for a gold medal.. At least I would have overcomed the fear that still haunts me. Maybe today I would have been more confident.

Somehow, even remembering it today makes me struggle to find my breath. I end up with goosebumps and an air filled with fear and discouragement.

I curse myself to have let fear win this battle. It would have been different if I would have dared to live it in.

It has been rightly said by George Addair “Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear”.

And I somehow lost this gamble…

When πŸ’˜πŸ’—Heart is hurt πŸ’”…

My heart, often, it wants to know…………………………………. “What is the true essence of being alive?” To that I said, “Oh, my poor ignorant heart., If I would have known, I would have been a part of the sky. “,

Not satisfied with my answer, she again roared, ” why is there so cruelty, so jealousy , among equal beings?”

Thinking for about half a min, I comforted, ” oh Heart, it’s just a game of becoming the king. ”

Very sadly heart queried, ” So where in this game of winning throne, do I stand ? ”

Frankly I answered, ” Friend, nobody can afford to take a stand. Forgive me, when I say, they have written you off from their lives, and now you are just a five letter word to be found only in files “..,

Heart found her words and said, ” Time has changed. It really has. There was a time, when I ruled “,

” Yes, my friend .True it is. But time waits for none”. I sensed her ego hurt. Before it chided again, I stopped my heart……..”oh, my poor heart. There’s no need to feel sad because however strong they may rule, but without you , my poor ignorant heart, there’s no any chance they can pull. Soon this game will be over. There will be no kings, no thrones. And then, my sweet heart , you are bound to bounce back in a throne which is completely made of your own. And this time heart, do hold it tight. As they are cunning enough not to miss a flight.”

And so, happily a heart fluttered in its own delight……πŸ’–πŸ’–

🍁☘☘WIND OF CHANGE…🌿

I double checked myself in the mirror. The matching earrings were too long for my pink anarkali Kurta. In fact, my Kurta was long enough to make me look like a behenji(illiterate and lousy woman). I cringed my eyebrows, I didn’t liked myself at all in this attire. I looked at the clock, I still had two more hours. Without wasting any more time, I opened my closet to find something more simple and smart to put on. But to my horror, for the first time in five years I came to realize my wardrobe had nothing but kurtas and that too all falling way far below my knees. I wondered since when I transformed into such a boring person. Suddenly it striked me , why sanjay didn’t wanted me to join him in his office party. And, why Anna didn’t asked me to come to her annual function. Anna was my little girl. My breath of fresh air.

Suddenly I froze as a wave of terror passed through me, shaking every bones within me,.. every part of my body ached, every strings within me vibrated . When did it happened? Why didn’t I realized? Did being 33 years meant old enough to lose all colours in me, around me? What happened? Why everything seemed black and white suddenly? These 8 years of successful marriage felt meaningless to me in a minute of time. I went near the mirror to check myself thoroughly. No, there was no sign of any wrinkles yet ,. …..

“Tinggg tonggg…….,” …I jumped out at the sudden sound of the door bell .I looked at the watch, it was 12 noon. Anna went to school and satish office. No one is expected till 4 evening.

I went to answer the door only to find some company boys trying to sell something. I quickly finished their queries and headed back to my room.

My Mobile screen was flashing an incoming message indicator light.

“Hi, neha. My flight is one hour late so I will see you in 3 instead of 2, hotel Vedanta. My treat. Dying to see you. And as usual don’t be late cat. TC, bye, see you soon….sangeeta”,

I threw the phone in my bed. I didn’t wanted to meet her or anybody, right at this moment.. I felt all drain out, so low, so lifeless. But most of all, I felt so worthless. During these 8 years of married life, never once did I thought about myself. I went so busy taking care of my husband , my daughter, my home that I completely forgot myself, just to remember today when I am to meet my bestest friend after 10 complete years, in about three hour. I have become so dumb, so tasteless. And she, a smart independent single woman. Why did I ever get married at the first place? Why??? Jealousy started to burn me inside out and my entire body ached. Hot drops of tears began to roll down my cheeks.

After ten long minutes I hold myself promising to rap up the date as soon as possible and never ever to see her face again. Keeping it in my mind, I finally decided not to change the dress I already wore. Just changed my earring to a more sobre one.

It was ten min past 3, I finally entered the dining area of the said hotel. My eyes scanning the entire hall. Suddenly, I caught a woman in peach colour formal business suit, flashing out her sets of white teeth into a big grin, wilding waving in my direction. Was she sangeeta? She looked fair and way too young compared to me. Again, I cursed myself to have come here..I could have done with any excuses not to come here.

“It’s sooo nicceee seeing you. After 10 years, finally we could meet. I am so happy, Neha. Tell me, tell me everything about you. Your marriage…Anna.. Everything… Can’t wait to hear.”, Sangeeta cried in one breath.

“I am doing fine. You look young.”, I regretted at my last sentence. I should have enquired about her health instead.

” I am absolutely fine neha. Its just, life have thrown me in such a cycle where though I am earning enough money, but I don’t get the time to enjoy spending it.” , Sangeeta eyes suddenly felt sad by her blunt confession .

But I didn’t buy it. Why can someeone so independent like her, go on complaining about her life. After all, freedom matters most. Before I could stop my mouth, it vomitted words;

“What are you saying? Just look at yourself, working for the best company, getting a dream salary , single. What else can a woman ask for? You are free to do whatever you want to. So successful in such a young age. I wish, I could be you. ” , a wind of jealousy blew past me,as I rebutted her statement.

Silence followed for continuing five minutes, as we ordered for our coffees and sandwiches.

After that, sangeeta, being a little thoughtful, opened her mouth again, but this time her eyes met directly mine, ” Neha, are you happy in your married life?”

I spilled my coffee in the table, at hearing her blunt question.

” Wh…. What do you mean? I am perfectly happy in my life.” I tried hard to lie but her fixed eyes clearly revealed my unsuccessful attempt.

” Neha, I am ….was your best friend once. I know you quite well. You can’t hide your feelings from me. Come-on …Out with it.”, Her eyes were kind enough to make my tears flow. I cried like a baby forgetting I was making a show out of it inside a posh restaurant…….

…………………………………………………..To be continued….

🌡A DRY MONOTONOUS LIFE WHERE THE LIFEπŸ‚πŸ‚πŸ‚ ITSELF HAS BEEN SUCKED OUT OF US πŸ˜žπŸ˜ž

….Sometimes, a SWORD may not win a war, but a mere kind tap on the shoulder can do wonders.

A light tap from someone near and dear can change one’s life for ever. A little tap on one’s shoulder can help a life lift itself from the reign of cruel monotonous flowing lives right out there.

We come across so many faces in our daily lives, from the milkman to the laundry boy to the school children’s eagerly waiting for their buses , which all seems so lost in this crazy stupid human race for the survival. They act not because they love to, but just because they have to. There’s no other way out. Fear of judgement forces them to move their ass. As if it’s a huge jungle where the sole mantra is being, “SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST”. ………..And what with those who are weak? Ohh….Let them burn in hell, who the hell cares.

But my question is, Who is going to decide ,who is fit and who is not??..,,,…. Should we leave it to those horrible bosses of ours or our parents, who are most of the time mean to us or the society, which itself is not sure enough of its running?? ?whhooooo???

Has anyone ever cared to take a moment out of their so called hectic schedules and look closely into their eyes? Perhaps no one. No one has the god damn time to care for anyone. And I don’t blame it upon them either, for life has itself become so difficult, so critical, so hard to survive. One moment of absent mind and you are kicked out of the race. “Fired”,”suspension”,”expulsion”,and what not. All these words starts falling upon us as if it were a rain drenching all of our inside out.

LIFE , no doubt, have made a ROBOT out of us all. Screw those idiots, who are busy making tin metal robots. Someone tell them to look at themselves first. ARE THEY HUMAN ENOUGH TO MAKE ROBOTS in the first place.

But, the point is, Is it really “life”, who is to be blamed for making robots out of us.

OR,

Is it we “humans“, who have made a fool out of us.

Think, ..For once, think; Wat do we exactly do in our daily lives? Leave that..,Just ask this simple question to yourself- what are we going to do in the coming 4 hours? Immediately, all sort of pictures of us doing this, doing that will start rolling into our brains. Isn’t it right? Will it not be a monotonous type? You will be knowing exactly what you are going to be doing , starting from the very this moment till time unending..

So…….. Where’s life?

A dry, monotonous LIFE,,,from where the word “life” itself is sucked out of us. Yes, yes….This is what we call today LIFE..

There’s nothing at all for which we are not prepared for..May it be a natural calamity or whatever…At least we nicely pretend to.

This system, this entire fucking system have ruined everything that was once beautiful within us.

OR,

Again, it’s fucking us, who have encouraged this useless system. And life still continues to be like this. We can buy happiness, steel happiness, fake happiness, plan happiness…….. “HAPPINESS”— such a temporary 9 letter screw word.

SO, WHY CANT WE TRY MAKE A SMALL DIFFERENCE. WE REALLY DON’T HAVE TO REVOLT OR WRITE A BIG FAT BOOK FOR IT. JUST FEELING A LITTLE SORRY FOR OURSELVES IS HALF JOB DONE..HUMANITY TOWARDS OUR OWN SELVES CAN CONTRIBUTE A DROP IN THIS OCEAN. Just tap someone’s shoulder Gently, someone near and dear..It may be ur own children, husband, angry neighbor screaming at you right in front of ur gate or anyone and fill out their hearts with warmth, care, gentleness; ensuring no matter what, we are always gonna be right there for them. Assuring them that they do matter a lot, and witness the lost shine come back their dry, tired eyes. That shine, which was rudely snatched away from them, since the moment they were born in this horrified place, called “WORLD“. And watch the change in their way of reliving their life again.

Thanks a lot….Spread love, spread life.